I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
