The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
