another moral hangover. fuck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
