Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
