I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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