mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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