overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
