apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.