Your face is a jimmy john
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
