hotties wanna shake it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.