Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.