I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
