Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
