oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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