i just wanna soil my oats bro
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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