this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
