I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my poor anus
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
