Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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