Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
