Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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