The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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