So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
