i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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