She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
