you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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