Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
