i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
