The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
