I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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