omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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