I met the friendliest cop last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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