I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
