You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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