woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
