you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
