I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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