I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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