when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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