Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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