i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
