yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
