i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
