Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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