omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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