whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
