lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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