hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
