why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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