so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize