The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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