Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
