I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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