No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
