btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We are two peas in an std pod
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
