ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize