I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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