My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
