do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
