not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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