My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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