too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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