This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So here I am, sexting at work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
