I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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