I puked a lego.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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