Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
