can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
