Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
