So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
