dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
