I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
