My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
