remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
