i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
