i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She needs sedatives and a leash
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
