Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you had me at cake vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
