i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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