she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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