Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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