I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
