So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
