Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
