I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
