He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
