His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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