Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
