My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
