apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
